Fear of abandonmentFor many people a stable and predictable love relationship is something that is hard to enjoy because of an enduring sense of the threat of abandonment.
Why do people develop a fear of abandonment?Sometimes it is unclear why the feeling of abandonment has been provoked. But if it has, then it can be helpful to develop a better understanding of who we are.
- How have we become the people we are today?
- How have the events of our lives shaped us, and in some cases left us vulnerable to a fear of abandonment.
When the fear of abandonment takes holdAs we commit to our love relationships we may suddenly find ourselves alarmed and worried that our partner is becoming more interested in someone else.
We think they are purposely ignoring our calls – they must be talking to somebody more interesting.Often there will be nothing duplicitous or threatening happening in the relationship, but quickly we will become convinced that there is. Once these kind of ideas take hold they can be very destructive and difficult to shake off. It may be that we are becoming caught up in an anxiety about abandonment and betrayal that actually does not belong to our current relationship. We will not be aware of it, but we may be becoming caught up in feelings that stem from the early experience of abandonment that we went through in our early years when our parents’ marriage came apart. Though it might seem counter intuitive, we are caught up in something that happened in the past but which we haven’t found a way to address yet. Can we find a way to step back and see that we are becoming caught up in a fear of abandonment that doesn’t belong to the present and our current relationship? If we don’t we are likely to find that our current relationship fails under the strain of doubt, suspicion and anxiety. And not only this, but it is likely we will feel this kind of fear and anxiety in our next relationship. If we don’t deal with this now we will meet it again.